Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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