no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
