laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
