The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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