she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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