At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
