I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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