There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
