nutella sex= disaster
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
