the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
