2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
