ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
