Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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