I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
