Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
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I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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