Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
