Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Ketchup is God's man juice
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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