Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
