Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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