I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
