I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
