Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
