i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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