i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
