I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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