I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
