he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
