I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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