She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
