Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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