Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize