So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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