After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
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You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
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Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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