ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
