Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
