apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
