True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize