thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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