you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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