I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
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What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
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I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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