apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
