when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
