Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
