Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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