This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
