Don't make out with my wife yet
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
