Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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