How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
