It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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