bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
