So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
