ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
