is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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