so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
