The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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