i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
