matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
