I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
