I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
