Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
