Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
