i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
