i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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