What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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