I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
