Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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