i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
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It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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