My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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