if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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