can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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