question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
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A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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