so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
