She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
