you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
