i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
