the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
