Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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