I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
