i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
