I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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