I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
