I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
