Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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