It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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