I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
