I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
