Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
