i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
