cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
